Perfect In Weakness

One of my personal challenges of the trip was feeling inadequate as a "missionary." I already accepted going into the trip that this would be a stretch comfort wise. But, that isn't what I am talking about. I am talking about spiritually. I remember looking at my Mom when she was sitting with me at the airport that I wasn't sure if I had prepared myself spiritually for the trip. She said, "well, why don't we just pray then?" We did. I am not sure what I even meant. I just guess I felt like I had something to prove to these missionaries who I wondered might think I am a halfhearted Christian for not living in another country and serving people who really haven't heard the gospel. Yeah, that was it. Looking back, I should have resolved that before going or maybe even talked to Julie about it. So, when Julie asked me to give the devotion at the traiditonal birth attendent training I was both glad and nervous. She asked me Friday night while we were about to watch a movie with her sister and their family. I was to share the next morning. When we got back to the tent I prayed and read scriptures but nothing was really coming to me. I felt a bit frustrated because it was seeming like God wasn't speaking to me nearly as much in Africa as He does in America! The next morning I woke up early (which is what you do there cause the sun wakes you up). I walked down to the overlook of the gorge. The dogs that I didn't like ran up to me barking at me and snipping at me. My heart racing, I told them to stop and be quiet. Waved to Jamike who who was sitting in front of one of the tents. I asked the Lord to please help me know what to share. There were two things that were in my mind: His provisions to me in coming on the trip for my many needs and the scriptures that were on my heart for the people there in Psalm 103 (1-6). I kept praying these over the people and acknowledging His truth on behalf of this nation. On the long drive into the bush, I confessed to Julie that I was having a difficult time hearing from the Lord on what to share and told her what was on my heart to share. She told me that it wouldn't be good to talk about money. I think one of the reasons I was having a hard time hearing is that I didn't like what I was hearing. I think I thought she might not like what I had to say and since I already felt "not good enough" that was a sore spot. Julie has never given me reason to think these things. They were just coming from a place of inadequacy. I chose to trust Him. What else was there to do anyway? I tried to comfort myself that His power is made perfect in weakness. I did share the two things that were on my heart with the traditional birth attendents that morning. I talked to the women about how traveling to the other side of the world was a big deal to me and that I had been afraid. I also told them I had many needs to be able to do this. I told them that God provided for all of my needs both practically and emotionally. They clapped for God. Then, I read the scriptures and told them that they don't have to be afraid for themselves, their families, or their future generations. These words from God (forgiveness, healing, justice) are true today and will be true for the ones we love when we are gone. I wanted to point out their future generations because often people over there turn to witch doctors and healers. I wanted to specifically address that temtpation. Julie tail ended my talk with something from the gospel which I was grateful for. I love resting in the knowlege that He is the One who reveals Himself and makes His way into hearts.